Boat jokes. Painful puns & groaners

Boat jokes. We all want one now and again and some are genuinely funny. But let’s be honest. Most are Christmas cracker quality. Just fun enough to read more likely to lead to groans of agony. Here’s the best we’ve collected.

 

  • A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint and the crew were marooned.
  • How much did it cost a pirate for the piercing of his ear? A buck an ear.
  • A bartender sees a sailor with a ship’s wheel down his trousers and says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel down your trousers!” To which the sailor replies “I do, and it’s driving me nuts!”
  • Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise…
  • A sailor docks his yacht by a riverside restaurant for lunch. The dockhand says: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in. We have a strict tie policy and you are not wearing one.”  …. “How could I,” replied the sailor angrily, “I’m on a boat. Let me in”. The dockhand, wnot wanting trouble said, “Ok, just find something that could be a tie and wear that.” ….The sailor heads down below and comes back up with a pair of battery jump lead around his neck. “This is all I can find” he said, scowling at the deckhand. Sighing, the dockhand says: “OK, you can come in …. just don’t start anything.”
  • What was the discount rate at the boat store? A two-for-one sail.
  • Why did the students go on the boat? To get their scholar-ship!
  • How was the boat turned into a party boat? Through pier pressure.
  • What do sailors use to blow their noses? Anchor-chiefs.
  • What do you call a sail with only two corners? “I haven’t got a clew!”
  • Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea? To test the water.
  • Why could not the sailors play the game of cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.
  • What kind of detergent do sailors use the most? Tide.Where do the most deadly creatures like zombies go for sailing? To the Dead Sea.
  • Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat? Maroon 5.
  • What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth? Any ship that will go near it will sync.
  • What kind of vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
  • What is the most crowded and caring boat called? A friend-ship
  • What is the name of the boat made of stones? A hard-ship.
  • From where did Captain Hook buy his hook? At a second-hand store.

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